Erica’s Blog

So, yesterday was the 12th.  Paul would have been nine months old.  It’s really weird to think of.  I can’t really imagine him that big.  The other day, I was looking at some videos hubby is in the process of moving onto DVD, and there was one where Thing Two was nine months old.  I just couldn’t picture Paul being that old or big, doing all those things. 

I was OK yesterday, but the pain hit me today.  I think it was partly b/c I told the story twice today — first to a mom at school who didn’t know about him, second to a former mom from school whom I hadn’t seen since June.  Of course, she asked, “How’s the baby?”, and I had to explain.  At least she didn’t ask “Where’s your baby?”  I keep thinking that if someone asks me that, I might just blurt out, “St. Joseph’s Cemetery in the East Bay”.  Probably not a good idea.  That would probably freak people out.  Oh, and one of the ladies who works at my Curves was asking me about him b/c of the flyer on the wall, asking people to sponsor me in the March of Dimes walk.

Hubby stayed home with me tonight instead of going to church.  By the time I got home from Curves, I was starting to spiral down pretty quickly.  I was torn — I wanted him to be able to go to church, but I was also afraid that it might not be a good idea for me to be here w/o him.  I’ve been doing OK, but who knows how it would have been if he’d left, and I’d kept spiraling down.

Seeing pictures of our new nephews the twins was *REALLY* hard last week.  It’s beyond cool to see my bro-in-law getting into being a dad, but it was SO hard to look at those two sweet little boys with their dark hair and want so badly to hold Paul again, knowing I never will.  It’s hard to be torn between such conflicting emotions — being SO excited for them, having “auntie syndrome”, wanting to spend lots of money buying them all kinds of cute personalized twin-related stuff, yet also feeling so much of my own pain over it.  I feel bad that we haven’t gone to see the babies yet, but I know my sis-in-law understands.  Someday, we’ll be ready to see them.  We won’t be able to stall the girls much longer.  They really want to meet their new cousins after having prayed for so long for their auntie to get pregnant, then for the babies to “grow and be strong and stay inside until it’s time to come out.”

Knitting?  Yes, I’m still knitting.  I’m up to about sixty of the hats for UCSF.  As soon as I finish my giant Pound of Love ball of pink yarn, I’ll deliver them.

I attempted to make myself a poncho out of the Divine (hey, I had *ten* balls of the stuff), but it came out too small.  I forget — “one size fits most” rarely does, and certainly doesn’t usually fit a Rubenesque size 16.  So, I gave it to my little ex-roommate for her b-day.  She needed something cool and non-matronly after just having a baby.  I’m sure it looks cute on her.  She promised to have her hubby email me a picture of her in it for the blog.

I’m working on some other stuff, but one disadvantage of having told people I actually *know* about this blog is that now I can’t write about gifts I’m making or put up pictures of them until after I’ve given them.  Oh, well.

All I’ll say is that the current ones involve the Paton’s Fresco and some Lion Brand Chenille Thick & Quick.  Oh, and as soon as Julie finds out whether she’s having a boy or a girl, I’ll have to get started on planning what I’ll make for her.  I’m hoping she’s having a girl.

Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose [sorry, I don't know how to get the French accents, etc.]  Translation:  The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Was farting around Google the other day and ran across a guy I dated in high school and college.  I’m sure he’s still brilliant and a very interesting guy, but if I’d ever had any doubts about the choices I’ve made, I don’t have any now.  The guy’s 40 years old, still way into comic books, and is a drummer in a punk band. 

YEEAAAHHH, I’m definitely glad I made the life choices I did.  I am most DEFINITELY married to the right guy.  Let me repeat:  I MARRIED THE RIGHT MAN. 

Sorry no posts in so long.  Been living life instead of posting, which is probably a good thing. 

Sporty came for an overnight on Friday the 1st and is still here!  Fifteen minutes after she arrived, her name was Jenna.  Apparently, all it takes to change even a nearly-three-year-old dog’s name is a few people standing in a circle with some kibble in their hands to call the dog by the new name.  She’s very food-oriented, a dog after my own heart!

So, we’re still in the “foster” stage of the foster adoption of Miss Jenna.  She is the greatest dog ever!  The only way she could be better would be if she didn’t shed and didn’t poop, but I’m not holding my breath on either of those to happen in this lifetime.  Going to the dog trainer has helped a lot, too.  Mostly, it’s helped *us* to know the right things to do with her to get her to do what we want.  She performs perfectly for the trainer.  After even just one session, taking her for a walk was SO much easier!  In 45 minutes, I think I only had to say “heel” three times. 

The girls love having Jenna around.  Thing One plays with her after school every day before having snack and doing homework.  Thing Two likes to get her face really close to Jenna’s and let Jenna lick her.  She also likes to flop on her, hanging on her while she walks.  I swear if she were smaller or Jenna bigger, she’d try to ride her!

Hubby and I are both pleasantly surprised at how much we enjoy having a dog.  Usually, I walk her while Thing Two is in her afternoon preschool class, and he walks her in the evenings after the Things go to bed.  She is *SO* devoted to him.  She really loves that nightly walk/run.  Hubby even plans to get running shoes so he can run for real with her.  I can’t imagine I’ll ever run with her, but even on days when we can’t take our walk b/c I’m stuck at home w/a sick kid, I take her in the back yard for several spurts of catch or “gimme that bone/stick”.

The only reason we haven’t signed the papers yet to complete the adoption is allergies.  I just want to make sure none of us (especially Thing Two or I) is reacting to her allergy-wise.  It’s tough b/c this is a bad allergy time anyway, even if we didn’t have a dog, so it’s hard to tell whether we’re reacting to her or not.  Meanwhile, we vaccuum up the hair frequently and wash her blankets every other day.  I tell ya, we’d better not have to give her back b/c we’ve all fallen in love with this dog.  Check out pictures of her here.